Question for all you spies out there - Talk About Marriage

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Yesterday, 10:12 PM	? #1 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 140	So long story short, Ive been spying on my wifes email due to her emailing her ex starting in Aug. She stopped emailing back and forth when him in late Sept, and there hasnt been any since...until today. He sent a fwd email about some local event here in town saying something like 'hey thought this could help your business'. We all know the email is BS and just a way for him to start up convo again...so here is my question... She hasnt seent the email yet, and she isnt very technical. Do I leave the email up to see if/how she responds to it then react accordingly? Or would you send all the emails to spam so she never ever gets the emails (unless she looks which she prob never would). I see this from both ways, and need to make my decision tonight since she is sleeping and her email is up. While I do want to know how she will react when she sees the email, if she starts up conversation with him again I will be furious. On the other hand, I feel if she never sees another email from him (due to them all going into spam), then she wont ever be tempted to write back to him. Before anyone chimes in saying there are bigger problems in our relationship yes I know, I dont want to discuss all of that. I just want to know, if you were in my spot, would you keep the email there to see her response, or would you delete it and always wonder how she would have responded, but atleast know the temptation never reached her. Thoughts?
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Yesterday, 10:42 PM	? #7 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 140	Quote: Since you admit that her previous "convo never turned out of the innocent realm" and YET you are still being EATEN UP with suspicion; I would suspect that if you send this email to "junk" you will just DRIVE YOURSELF NUTS wondering how she 'would' have handled this...and thinking the worst. Give her a chance, she may (yet again) surprise you. If she does and she IGNORES his new email, will you QUIT SUSPECTING HER (since it does all seem to be in YOUR head)? well, when I say it was in the innocent realm, it was right on the border. She basically was apologizing for how they ended and all that stuff, with his every email asking to 'meet up for a drink to bury the hatchet'. She never did take the bait but I knew she was probably tempted. I chaulked it up to her just trying to fix a past wrong, so I was cool with it. Whats funny is that during those 2 months, she never left her email up (she has left it up for the first 8 years of our relationship), so thats how i knew something was up. Just a few weeks ago she started leaving her email up again (which signaled to me that she wasnt 'hiding' anything anymore), then he emails again. So actually, if I walk by her computer tomorrow and her email is down, I know that she is going to respond to him, meaning that my gamble lost.
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Yesterday, 10:56 PM	? #11 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 140	Quote: I'll admit I haven't read your others posts (that I recall offhand), so all I can go by is what's posted here. ALL was innocent. So if she says, "Wow, that was so sweet of you to think of our business. I'll be sure to show this to my hubby. How is your life going? Did you ever start that petting zoo/landscaping business/tire recycling business you always wanted to?" *THAT* is going to prove she's just steps away from cheating on you? Does she have a history of cheating on you? Is she so naive/simple-minded that exes could 'trick' her into bed while she is all innocent and unaware? I guess I'm unsure WHAT it is you're basing her perceived sins (or contemplated sins) on?!? Not trying to pick a fight, Mr. Pink, I'm just REALLY not seeing cause for concern here. Is it because *HE* keeps wanting to meet for drinks? If so, she has certainly turned him down forever, hasn't she? These are very good points. No she does not have a history of cheating. I guess I am just extra sensative to him because a few years back, she left me for him. When me and her were having problems in the summer, her first thing she did was reach out to him and try to rectify her behavior 5 years ago (which was basically leaving him to get back with me). Thats why I was real worried when she reached back out because I thought history was about to repeat itself but this time I woudl have been prepared. She eventually stopped emailing him once she said her peace, even though he kept asking to meet up. I chalked it up to her just going through some rough stuff mentally and her feeling she needed to correct that part of her past, not necessarily reconnect wit him. He does live in a far away city so I guess that is an advantage that they couldnt meet up easily or if at all without it being very obvious.
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Yesterday, 11:01 PM	? #12 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 440	Quote: I'll admit I haven't read your others posts (that I recall offhand), so all I can go by is what's posted here. ALL was innocent. So if she says, "Wow, that was so sweet of you to think of our business. I'll be sure to show this to my hubby. How is your life going? Did you ever start that petting zoo/landscaping business/tire recycling business you always wanted to?" *THAT* is going to prove she's just steps away from cheating on you? Does she have a history of cheating on you? Is she so naive/simple-minded that exes could 'trick' her into bed while she is all innocent and unaware? I guess I'm unsure WHAT it is you're basing her perceived sins (or contemplated sins) on?!? Not trying to pick a fight, Mr. Pink, I'm just REALLY not seeing cause for concern here. Is it because *HE* keeps wanting to meet for drinks? If so, she has certainly turned him down forever, hasn't she? Let's call a spade a spade here. I only know of Mr. Pink based on this thread alone. But from what you post, it sounds like he has opined about his wife in more than one thread and has not said anything about this ex to her at all. Hey, it's great that she has been turning this ex down for drinks. But you know the saying that if you play with fire long enough you'll eventually get burnt. So the wife continues to e-mail this ex for awhile and the OP quietly monitors in the background. What if the wife finally decides - after refusing to meet up with the ex 30 times or 40 times - that the 41st try she decides "yes". Where does that leave Mr. Pink? The longer he lets this fester, the more likely the chance is that his wife slowly develops feelings for the OM. I'm sure there are plenty of examples where torrid love affairs start out as simple, innocent chats on e-mail or FB...
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Yesterday, 11:05 PM	? #13 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: The Most DANGEROUS City in America! Posts: 1,104	Oh, well HELL, *THAT* is a whole NOTHER story! So five years ago she left you to go to him?!? Then she left HIM to come back to you?!? Then this summer when you two had a falling-out, SHE started emailing to him? Okay, NOW I see why you are so suspicious; can't say I blame you one bit. Definitely let her see the email. At least you'll know where you stand. If she would leave you again, you'd rather know it now and get it done, wouldn't you? If she's THROUGH with him, then every day will be a baby-step toward rebuilding your trust. Good luck, man!
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Yesterday, 11:06 PM	? #14 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2012 Posts: 140	Quote: Let's call a spade a spade here. I only know of Mr. Pink based on this thread alone. But from what you post, it sounds like he has opined about his wife in more than one thread and has not said anything about this ex to her at all. Hey, it's great that she has been turning this ex down for drinks. But you know the saying that if you play with fire long enough you'll eventually get burnt. So the wife continues to e-mail this ex for awhile and the OP quietly monitors in the background. What if the wife finally decides - after refusing to meet up with the ex 30 times or 40 times - that the 41st try she decides "yes". Where does that leave Mr. Pink? The longer he lets this fester, the more likely the chance is that his wife slowly develops feelings for the OM. I'm sure there are plenty of examples where torrid love affairs start out as simple, innocent chats on e-mail or FB... And thats basically the other side of it. On one hand, I cant filter her life, but cant I minimize her temptations? When you read MMSLP it talks about not creating situations for your wife to fall to temptation, like having a male friend stay over she likes, etc. Granted I am not creating this situation, but if I have the power to reduce temptations, should I take them?
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